Happiness to me

A while ago I wrote a post on happiness and what it means to me / how I can find it. I’ve realized over the last two years that for me, happiness means people and relationships. As long as I’m in front of someone, good things happen. The world today has lost so much of the human element that people are so eager just to sit down, catch up, and for once live in the moment. A lot of our socializing is now being done passively via facebook, twitter, etc. In a way we’re much closer than we ever used to be but we’re also more distant.

I’ve realized that more good things happen for me the more I’m around people. I get invited to more dinners, events, weddings, etc. But I also find that people and conversation keep the mind sharp and focused. The idle mind tends to dwell on non-issues and not focus on the big picture.

I’m also in a relationship oriented business so it’s good for me to be around people. Sometimes it’s nice to unwind and just hang out alone for a bit, but in general I find that I’m happiest when I’m relevant in other peoples’ lives.

What’s Important?

It’s events like the earthquake in Haiti or Hurricane Katrina that makes me slow down a bit and think about the important things in life. In the Bay Area especially, I feel that we are all in a huge rat race. We’re trying to get rich and rise to the top. We’re trying to keep our jobs and maintain some semblance of a social life. I’m a victim to this myself. Every now and then we will hear about or experience the loss of a loved one. And for a couple days or a couple weeks, we’ll take some time to reflect and then almost immediately put ourselves back in the rat race. But why? In the past few weeks I’ve thought a lot about the meaning of life and what I want to take from it. I recently graduated from school and entered the work force full time. My job allows me a lot of flexibility, so I don’t have to be in at a certain time or stay till a particular hour. I come and go as I please. In the evenings or on the weekends when I’m not working I find myself looking for things to do. I get bored very easily. For a while I took up watching more TV or reading books. But that didn’t really fill the void. While it’s too early to be going through a mid-life crisis, I am finding it difficult to find a huge sense of purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I love helping people in the ways that my career allows me to, but I feel that there’s something beyond that. Currently I fill my hours with exercise, TV, books, and a significant other. At 22 years of age I guess I’m not “supposed” to really be worrying about very much else. I’m making money, I’m motivated, I’m pursuing additional degrees, and yet for some reason I feel like I’m not focusing on what’s important. But I can’t seem to figure out what it is that’s important. I’ve given some consideration to coaching a recreational basketball team or mentoring in some way, so that I feel like I’m needed or appreciated in some way other than my career. But I’m not super into that kind of thing.

When I’m at work, I’m consumed and happy. I genuinely like being in the office, meeting people, and helping individuals create wealth. But I don’t want to come home and feel like nothing outside of work really does it for me. I don’t want to be the guy who’s on his deathbed and is known only for what he did in the office, not what he did outside. My experiences in this rat race are leading me to believe that it’s the American city-life society that cultivates this pressure to consume yourself in work. And it’s really not until you experience a life changing event that you realize how pointless the rat race can be at times. I work in a career where I am compensated purely on commissions and fees. While I am pushing myself to make a huge amount each month, I’m beginning to realize that whether I make 25k in a month or whether I make 10k, my lifestyle doesn’t change much at all. I still hang out with the same friends, partake in the same activities, and eat at the same restaurants. Although my options open up in terms of what I CAN do when I have a higher income, I don’t really take advantage of it. It’s still the same simple things that make me happy. So for those who found themselves without jobs or with investment accounts that lost tons of money in the last couple years – I would encourage you to reflect on the things you do for entertainment and fulfillment. How many of those activities cost a significant amount of money? Very few, I can guarantee that.
This post is very different from what I usually write, and has kind of jumped around from topic to topic. I apologize for the lack of organization in this piece, but I wanted to post something where I just wrote whatever it was that was on my mind. I’d be interested to hear your feedback on some of the ideas I expressed, especially if you are also recently out of your undergraduate studies.

A New Kind of Frat Boy

A copy of my article from September 2009′s issue of India Currents:

I had always imagined that fraternities and sororities were formed of groups of students who spent their time binge drinking and avoiding school. My impressions of frat houses had been formed from their depiction in the movies: reckless college students with mediocre futures who didn’t take life seriously. This led to reservations about joining a fraternity; I did not want to be hazed and I did not want to be a “frat boy.” These impressions were further reinforced by family members and friends, who kept telling me that fraternities were a bad idea.

I joined UC Berkeley in  September 2005, and one day I was approached by two South Asian students. A quick conversation revealed that they were double and triple majoring, and had bright outlooks for gaining admission to top notch graduate schools. They mentioned that they were members of Alpha Epsilon Zeta (AEZ), a South Asian fraternity on the UC Berkeley campus, and encouraged me to come out to their informational session the following day. I was impressed by the students’ professional demeanor but decided that I’d wait till the following year, when I would have settled in as a sophomore.

I ended up attending the session after all, thanks to a freshman friend of mine who was keen on it. When I arrived, I noticed that the AEZ brothers (as fraternity members are known) were clean-shaven, wearing suits, and had high quality presentations printed for each attendee. What caught my eye immediately were the free refreshments, but I was struck by the meticulous organization of the event. The presentation emphasized the fact that the AEZ fraternity was not about partying, binge drinking, and finding mediocre jobs. I remember hearing one of the speakers say, “We prefer individuals who stay up until 3 a.m. working on their class presentation to those that are out getting drunk until 3 a.m.” It was a little funny to hear something so “grown-up,” coming from someone just a year or two older than me, but it was also refreshing. I learned about the corporate relationships the brothers had built and how they all helped each other find jobs, research positions, and post-grad opportunities.

The ideas they presented were great, but I still wasn’t sure about joining a campus organization my freshman year. I wanted to ease into classes and college life without having to stress about other commitments.

A few days later, I ran into two AEZ brothers, Rakesh Vij and Neil Bhalerao, who invited me to their rush event later that day (Editors note: a “rush” is a sales pitch to recruit new members). I explained that I wanted to wait until my sophomore year to join.

Rakesh responded: “AEZ is a great choice regardless of what year you decide to pledge. The skills you will learn throughout the pledge process are invaluable and are likely to aid you throughout your college career—in classes, internships, and other on-campus groups. We understand that you’re smart; nobody who comes to Berkeley is here by chance. But once you’re here there is nothing that distinguishes you from the other 40,000 students. There is nothing that puts you a step ahead. The goal of our organization is to help each brother make the most of his potential during his four years in college. The best way to accomplish that is by using all four years to get there, as opposed to three.”

I was sold!

I had no idea at the time that I was making the best decision of my college life. Since being inducted to AEZ, I’ve had the opportunity to meet CEOs of various companies, leverage AEZ’s connections for internships, and establish a lifelong brotherhood with many friends. And it truly has helped me make the most of my potential. I had no idea what a proper resume should look like and what guidelines it should follow. Older AEZ brothers have helped make my resume effective and now the younger guys are turning to me for guidance. The system of paying it forward in AEZ is quite impressive. I can call anyone, at any time in the day, and be assured that he’ll take the time to make sure his brother is doing okay and getting the needed  information.

The other area in which AEZ has given me phenomenal guidance is with interview skills. AEZ’s emphasis on extensive mock interviews and company/industry research has helped me find job opportunities and convert them into offers. Of the five positions I’ve interviewed for in the last three years, I have received four offers and taken three of them.

But AEZ doesn’t stop at creating opportunities. It has given me skills to succeed in the work place as well. Prior to crossing, (Editor’s note: novice members, called pledges, “cross” when they are accepted as brothers in the fraternity) I had already taken workshops in Microsoft Powerpoint, Excel, Outlook, and more. To ensure each brother is well rounded, pledges attend workshops that cover topics in multiple industries, not just the area in which they are majoring. For example, during my pledge process I attended workshops on investing, the pharmaceutical drug industry, and computer engineering.

Realizing early how powerful and valuable this organization can be to those who participate, I make it a point to always give back in any way I can. As a sophomore I was the fraternity’s first ever Alumni Relations chair and I put into place multiple programs and events, such as alumni-active networking dinners, that will be an ongoing part of AEZ’s   programs. As a senior in college now, I serve as an advisor to the new leaders.

Looking back at my earlier uncertainty about fraternities, I am very thankful I decided to join AEZ. Not only have I learned many valuable skills, but I have also helped shape the future of those younger than me who share my passion for this powerful network. If you are an incoming freshmen at UC Berkeley, I strongly suggest you check out AEZ and see if it’s right for you.

Alpha Epsilon Zeta, or AEZ, is the premier South Asian professional fraternity in the west coast. Its goal is to create the largest South Asian network amongst professionals and graduate students.

The AEZ informational for Fall 2009 will be held in the Madrone Room at the UC Berkeley campus on Tuesday, September 8th, from 7-9pm. Directions to the venue can be found at http://www.berkeley.edu/map. More information on AEZ can be found at http://www.aezinc.org.

Tushar Kumar is a recent graduate of UC Berkeley and is starting a career in San Francisco with the Northwestern Mutual Financial Network.

Funny George W. Bush Video

This is pretty old but I saw it again recently and thought it was post-worthy. Enjoy.

Please, Pre-Party for my Funeral

In the past few weeks, for some reason, I’ve heard of a few people passing away that are within a degree or two of separation from myself. A friend and I got to talking about funeral ceremonies and the mood that comes with such an event. In most cultures, funerals are a sad event; there are tears, feelings of sorrow, regret, and a number of other negative emotions filling the ceremony’s atmosphere. So I put myself in the position of someone whose funeral people are attending. I can’t say I would want to see my entire circle of friends and family lamenting over losing me. I do understand, however, that it’s not fair for me to expect other not to feel sad at losing a loved one, but at the same time I feel I’d rather have my life celebrated and looked upon as a remarkable journey full of accomplishments and happiness. My roommate traveled abroad to Ghana last year and told me that funerals were almost party-like over there. They have plenty of alcohol to drink and music to listen / dance to in order to celebrate the new journey the deceased individual is about to embark upon. That notion jived with me really well. I only hope that one day, many years from now, people raise a shot glass at my funeral and toast to my life.

The Indian National Anthem

I recently saw this AR Rahman remake of the indian national anthem. The instrumental part is extremely creative and inspirational.

The Floods in Bihar

Some of you may be familiar with the floods that have caused havoc in Bihar, India. Having family in this region, I feel compelled to help out in some way. Below is an article featured in Patna Daily about a Bay Area organization coming together to make a difference.

US-Based Bihar Organization Raising Money for Flood Relief

Patna: Sept. 30, 2008

The American Organization for Development of Bihar (AODB) and Bihar Samaj in the Bay area in San Francisco have joined hands with a number of private organizations to raise funds to help flood victims in Bihar.

Sujay Roy, Coordinator Bihar flood Relief Committee, in a message to PatnaDaily.Com on Tuesday, informed about the upcoming fund-raising event on Friday, Oct. 17, 2008 at the India Community Center (ICC), 525 Los Coches St, Milpitas, CA at 7:00 pm.

The AODB is working in cooperation with the American India Foundation, BATA, FIA-NC, FIBA, FIJIANA, India Community Center, Indians for Collective Action, India Literacy Project, Prabasi, Sewa International, Sunnyvale Hindu Temple, TiE, and UPMA in the hope of raising fund for the hundreds of thousands of flood victims in five districts where many people are still waiting for relief items to reach them.

Film producer, director, and screenwriter Prakash Jha, who is right in the middle of relief work in north Bihar with his flood relief project ‘Punarwaas’, will attend the fund-raising event as special guest, Roy said.

The evening will feature musical entertainment by Bay Area favorites, Praveen Chaddha and Ritee, along with Sanjay Sen. The variety entertainment will also feature kathak by Tarangini School of Kathak Dance, film dance by Naach and Aavartan teams.

Tax-deductible donations could be made by contacting Varsha (408) 250-7408, Sujay (510) 651-3711, or Rajiv (510) 648-5093.

Details of the event can also be found at www.aodb.org.

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